I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A+ Viking dick
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
