I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
