what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
