Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
