I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
