i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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