I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize