Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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