I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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