Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
