Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
