Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
