Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
