Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
