I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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