Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
