i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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