I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
