there's paper in my vomit.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
