Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
