She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
