Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
