there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That accounts for only three of the penises
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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