The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i love accidental penises.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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