even my farts smell like vagina
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
