The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
