I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
