At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
