i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
