two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
