I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
