Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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