This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
