in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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