sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
