i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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