Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
