i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
