She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
