Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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