If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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