ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
