what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
