well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
