words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
