All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
