I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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