You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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