just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
