I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
