she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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