Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
