Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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