She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
