My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
