true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
