My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
