my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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