Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
