I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
