I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
one two three fourrrrnication!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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