You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
