3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Enjoy the penises
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
