I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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