the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize