I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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