I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
