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That's intense
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize