Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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