I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
