I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
