I think i peed on brittanys purse
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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