i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
