hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
