so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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