Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
