Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
MIDGETS
????
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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