My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
