I wish I could teleport
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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