the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
