He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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