If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize