my vag is so smooth its legendary
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
