I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
