Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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