All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
