You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
