I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
