and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
