If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She even gives head with a lisp.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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