She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
