I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
