Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
