1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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