So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
