So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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