I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
