Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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