I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
