Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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