Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
