thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can't put those talents on a resume
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
