so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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