We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
